What Happens When You Stop Trying to Prove Yourself? (And What Comes Next)

What if you stopped trying to prove you’re enough?

Not to your boss. Not to your partner. Not even to yourself.

Would you still chase what you’re chasing or would everything change?

Even as I write this, I catch myself trying to prove I have something valuable to say. I want you to read this and think, “This is exactly what I needed,” and maybe even message me to say it hit home.

I don’t think I’m alone in that. Chances are, you know what I mean.

You might be chasing validation in ways you don’t even realise. Maybe it’s shouting your mate a beer at the pub and hoping for a thank you. Or getting a pay rise and wanting your partner to say how proud they are of you.

Slowly, it shifts us into a state where nothing ever feels enough unless someone else says it is.

Chris Williamson from Modern Wisdom once shared a story: he was kicking a soccer ball with some mates. Everyone started counting how many juggles they could do. Chris challenged them to stop counting to just see how creative they could be. One of the boys replied, “Cool… and then we can count how many creative shots we get.”

That’s how deep the validation loop goes. And most of us don’t even realise we’re in it.

In this blog, I want to share moments when I caught myself in the act and what I learned about letting go of the need to prove anything.

If you’ve ever felt that quiet pressure to keep performing even just for yourself this might give you space to breathe.

When I Felt Most Free

Running 58 marathons in 58 days was the most recent time I felt free.

Which sounds strange, right?

I had sponsors, a huge fundraising goal, a documentary crew, and a world-first attempt on the line. There was validation all around me every post, every finish line brought support and praise.

But here’s the difference: I didn’t need it.

Every day was a personal challenge. A new town. A new test. A new conversation with pain.

It was me vs me.

Where in your life is it you vs you?

Validation-Free Living: A New Kind of Peace

I wasn’t earning money. I wasn’t building a business. I wasn’t ticking off career goals.

And yet… I felt free.

Waking up, knowing all I had to do was run that was freedom.

It reminded me of how many people live life like they’re clocking into a job they never applied for.

Society’s job description: go to school, get the job, chase the titles, earn applause, don’t question it.

But when you break the cycle, even briefly, you meet a version of yourself who doesn’t need to be seen to be worthy.

Peace, joy, fulfilment they come from choosing yourself.

I didn’t hit material milestones.

But I hit something more important:

I felt alive.

Not because others were watching but because I was.

What Are You Trying to Prove (and to Whom)?

When you run for 4+ hours a day, your mind has nowhere to hide.

I found myself wrestling with this:

“What am I trying to prove, and to whom?”

At first, I thought I was proving I could suffer that I could do the unthinkable.

But eventually, I realised: I wasn’t proving anymore.

I was experiencing. I was becoming.

That’s the difference.

Who Are You Without the Titles?

The next question hit even harder:

“Who are you without the titles and achievements?”

I realised something wild…

I am nothing without my achievements.

But… that’s okay.

None of us are.

Because we are the ones who give meaning to what we do. That’s the beauty of it.

We’re like fruit trees.

Some grow apples. Some mangoes.

What matters isn’t what you grow it’s that it nourishes you.

We chase meaning not because life demands it, but because it makes life beautiful.

Do You Fear Being Ordinary?

I do.

To me, ordinary means “the average of.”

And when I look around, average looks like broke, stressed, unwell, and disconnected.

I don’t need the world to call me extraordinary I just want to rise above the average that doesn’t reflect who I want to be.

That’s not ego.

That’s intention.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

“When I let go of proving, I didn’t stop aiming high I just stopped outsourcing my self-worth to the outcome.”

Letting go didn’t make me soft it made me sharp.

It made me present.

I no longer rush through the process just to hit the goal.

Now, I trust the process. I learn from it. I actually enjoy it.

And I remind myself: this moment may never come again.

So, What Drives You?

Many people chase money, status, and success for the sake of how it looks.

I’ve done that too.

But what really changes everything is this:

Start questioning what you desire and why you desire it.

Start acting on what truly enriches your life, not just your image.

Reflection Prompt:

💭 “What goal am I currently chasing and is it rooted in proving something or expressing something?”

💡 Use this with ChatGPT:

“Help me explore whether my current goals are coming from a place of self-worth or a desire for validation. Then help me reframe one of those goals from proving to becoming. Ask me 1 question at a time for up to 3 questions.”

The Real Work Is Becoming

“What would your life look like if you believed you were already enough but still wanted more, not to prove, but to become?”

Sit with that.

The more you let yourself explore what your life could look like, the more clarity you’ll find about why you want what you want.

That’s purpose.

It’s okay if others don’t understand it.

Most people are living out a plan they never chose.

You don’t have to.

Choose to become. Not just to prove.

Final Thought

I’d love to hear how the questions landed for you.

Did you have an “Ah-huh” moment?

This is a realisation I’ve carried with me since finishing the 58 marathons:

I no longer feel the need to prove I’m enough.

But I still want more… for me, for my family, and for you.

And I want your “more” to be your own.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’ve been chasing goals that no longer feel aligned or you’re ready to build a life that feels as good as it looks my 1:1 performance and mindset coaching might be the next step.

👉 Apply here to work with me privately

(Limited spots available)

Or take the Free Life Performance Scorecard, a free resource to help you get clear, gain momentum, and start living on your terms.